He is one of thousands of torture victims, Allura, not her son.
[ it's said sharply, the words falling out of his mouth before he can really think to consider what he is saying -- and the moment he does say it, there's an immediate stab of regret in his chest, because while it is true, it isn't necessarily why lotor doesn't want to talk about it.
whether it is fair or not, honerva is his responsibility. and while haggar and zarkon were going along their merry way, conquering the galaxy, torturing people, and attempting to murder the paladins of voltron, lotor was exiled, and away from the throne. avoiding it, attempting to place what happened to him, and allowing anger to build within him while he worked to resist against what zarkon had built. and who had invited him back to the empire? who had placed him upon the throne? haggar, the manipulative, psychopathic, arrogant witch -- his mother, who he should have stopped long ago, and he did not.
why? to avoid killing her? his mother was long since dead, but allowing her to live had been his greatest mistake. and it, in addition to his own stupid mistakes, likely led to his own death.
there's a silence, after that, before lotor draws in a deep breath. ]
I cannot provide support for something that I have no idea what . . .
[ ugh, feelings are hard. ]
She purposefully assisted in my exile, in my attempted murder, your attempted murder . . . the coup, and likely led to my death so she could seize control of the Empire herself. And I have not forgiven her for that, and I will likely never forgive her for that. I don't know where to begin, in listing off the atrocities she has committed in my name, and my family's name, to pursue her own power. She ripped millions of people apart to "protect me" without bothering to remember my name.
[ he needs to find peace within himself, about honerva, before he can even begin to share that experience with someone else who suffered through her horrific acts, but he can't quite put that into words. ]
The only comfort I can offer to Shiro is "at least you aren't related to one monster, let alone two."
no subject
[ it's said sharply, the words falling out of his mouth before he can really think to consider what he is saying -- and the moment he does say it, there's an immediate stab of regret in his chest, because while it is true, it isn't necessarily why lotor doesn't want to talk about it.
whether it is fair or not, honerva is his responsibility. and while haggar and zarkon were going along their merry way, conquering the galaxy, torturing people, and attempting to murder the paladins of voltron, lotor was exiled, and away from the throne. avoiding it, attempting to place what happened to him, and allowing anger to build within him while he worked to resist against what zarkon had built. and who had invited him back to the empire? who had placed him upon the throne? haggar, the manipulative, psychopathic, arrogant witch -- his mother, who he should have stopped long ago, and he did not.
why? to avoid killing her? his mother was long since dead, but allowing her to live had been his greatest mistake. and it, in addition to his own stupid mistakes, likely led to his own death.
there's a silence, after that, before lotor draws in a deep breath. ]
I cannot provide support for something that I have no idea what . . .
[ ugh, feelings are hard. ]
She purposefully assisted in my exile, in my attempted murder, your attempted murder . . . the coup, and likely led to my death so she could seize control of the Empire herself. And I have not forgiven her for that, and I will likely never forgive her for that. I don't know where to begin, in listing off the atrocities she has committed in my name, and my family's name, to pursue her own power. She ripped millions of people apart to "protect me" without bothering to remember my name.
[ he needs to find peace within himself, about honerva, before he can even begin to share that experience with someone else who suffered through her horrific acts, but he can't quite put that into words. ]
The only comfort I can offer to Shiro is "at least you aren't related to one monster, let alone two."