[ he immediately comes to a stop, when allura takes his hand, and he pauses, surprised at her forwardness . . . but his expression tightens, at her words, and he exhales slowly when she's finished.
life would have been a lot easier, had he continued on his original plan. manipulate the paladins of voltron, get what he wanted, kill them, leave. it was such a simple plan, but he let himself get comfortable. and whenever he allowed himself to feel comfortable, he always paid the price. trusting people was a mistake, because inevitably, they always let you down.
still . . . allowing hate to fester within him is an apt way of putting it. he allowed his hatred of zarkon to propel him through the centuries, and he allowed his loathing of haggar to twist his mind into abject paranoia. he had found the tiniest shred of happiness, with allura, but his own decisions had robbed him of that, too. and what became of him, at home? likely nothing. death, if he was lucky. madness, if he wasn't.
all because he couldn't just let it go. ]
I don't know if I can do what you ask of me, Allura.
[ finally, and while he doesn't tug his hand away, it's also clear he's only holding it to satisfy her, in his body language. it's an uncomfortable subject, and he's making an attempt, but he doesn't know what she wants him to say other than to admit that she's right. ]
I told you the truth, in what I wanted. I want the Galran Empire to be what it should be, not what it is. But it's obvious by now that whatever I envisioned it to be isn't what it should be. [ he pauses. ] I wanted to preserve the Altean people, because I knew Zarkon would stop at nothing to wipe them out if he knew they still existed. And I should have spent my exile doing that, and remained disconnected from the Empire, but I wanted my birthright. And the two goals became conflated when they should have been separate.
[ he runs a thumb over the knuckles of her hand idly. ]
But I never wanted to become either of them, and that is exactly what came to pass. [ another pause, and a slow exhalation that might almost?? be a laugh. ] And I am not entirely sure it is because of hatred, but you tend to be right more often than not.
no subject
life would have been a lot easier, had he continued on his original plan. manipulate the paladins of voltron, get what he wanted, kill them, leave. it was such a simple plan, but he let himself get comfortable. and whenever he allowed himself to feel comfortable, he always paid the price. trusting people was a mistake, because inevitably, they always let you down.
still . . . allowing hate to fester within him is an apt way of putting it. he allowed his hatred of zarkon to propel him through the centuries, and he allowed his loathing of haggar to twist his mind into abject paranoia. he had found the tiniest shred of happiness, with allura, but his own decisions had robbed him of that, too. and what became of him, at home? likely nothing. death, if he was lucky. madness, if he wasn't.
all because he couldn't just let it go. ]
I don't know if I can do what you ask of me, Allura.
[ finally, and while he doesn't tug his hand away, it's also clear he's only holding it to satisfy her, in his body language. it's an uncomfortable subject, and he's making an attempt, but he doesn't know what she wants him to say other than to admit that she's right. ]
I told you the truth, in what I wanted. I want the Galran Empire to be what it should be, not what it is. But it's obvious by now that whatever I envisioned it to be isn't what it should be. [ he pauses. ] I wanted to preserve the Altean people, because I knew Zarkon would stop at nothing to wipe them out if he knew they still existed. And I should have spent my exile doing that, and remained disconnected from the Empire, but I wanted my birthright. And the two goals became conflated when they should have been separate.
[ he runs a thumb over the knuckles of her hand idly. ]
But I never wanted to become either of them, and that is exactly what came to pass. [ another pause, and a slow exhalation that might almost?? be a laugh. ] And I am not entirely sure it is because of hatred, but you tend to be right more often than not.