inbox | acata

[juniberries]

voice | video | chat

"Greetings, this is the inbox of Princess Allura. While I am grateful that you have reached out to me, I unfortunately cannot answer you directly at the moment. But if you leave a message and wait a tick, I will surely get back to you!"

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[juniberries]

[she's quiet for a moment following his question, contemplative. but she remains looking at him, eyes searching his as he lets his walls down to seek advice. and she wants to be decisive, wants to know what to say, how she would handle it were she him.

but...she isn't him. she had a mother who loved her, a father who was kind and benevolent and just.

she would never truly be in his position. but--]

I...have held the truth before, hidden the dark past of Voltron from my friends in order to protect them. [she remembers how Shiro and Keith confronted her about it, their anger, their feelings of betrayal--] Keeping the truth from people to protect them and ourselves will always have a negative impact in the long run.

[she looks aside for a moment, frowning, but then feeling certain in her response she trains her gaze back to him, steadfast.]

I cannot truly be in your position, but, were I you, I would tell her. I would allow her the opportunity to know her son.

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[unpatriarchal]

[ of course she would. but that's not entirely feasible, is it. because at the end of the day, haggar is concerned with herself, and no one else. she does not remember lotor, nor does she give half a damn about him even if she did. zarkon clearly did not care about either of them, and the entire situation was so impossibly unfixable that killing zarkon was the only way to obtain a modicum of peace in his life.

and even then, haggar wanted to stop him. even then, haggar attempted to kill him, rather than take his rightful place upon the throne. and that, quite honestly, is the last memory he has of haggar. not his mother, though now, it is hard to differentiate the two. because as much as lotor tells himself otherwise, one woman bled into the next, and some part of haggar exists in honerva. who knows if any part of honerva exists in haggar.

he exhales, abandoning his teacup on the wall for the final time, giving up on attempting to drink it. ]

So be it.

[ it's murmured -- loud enough for allura to hear, but mostly meant as a private encouragement to himself. he calls up the magical holographic image of the list of names within the circle, scrolling down with his fingers to find honerva's name. if he is having this conversation, he is not going to wait for it. ]

We may as well control when the first domino is tipped.

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[juniberries]

[of course he'd choose to phrase it that way. a piece of a game, a facet of something larger instead of looking to it being a part of who he is. it draws a bitter thought, one where she wonders if he had thought her similar. a piece to a grander scheme.

and it bothers her how even considering that still hurts.

but she steels herself.]

I...will leave you alone to talk with her. Unless you wish otherwise.

[leaving that open for him to decide. she moves to take his tea.]

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[unpatriarchal]

[ it's a coping mechanism. not necessarily a healthy one. forcing himself to go through the motions, to consider this without emotion attached, because focusing or dwelling on what he needs to do is only going to inspire panic or anger. neither feeling is useful, and once he sends out his invitation to talk, lotor exhales, the screen vanishing as he closes the messaging system. ]

She deserves to hear the truth in person, not over some . . . device.

[ allowing the tension in his shoulders to leave, now that the message is sent. and he's silent for another few moments, to sort through what he has to do, before he continues, his tone slipping into something a little more raw and honest -- less manufactured and cold. ]

She deserves better than what awaits her. I want to be the one to tell her that.

[ read: voltron should keep their mouths shut. ]