juniberries | inbox

inbox | acata

voice | video | chat

"Greetings, this is the inbox of Princess Allura. While I am grateful that you have reached out to me, I unfortunately cannot answer you directly at the moment. But if you leave a message and wait a tick, I will surely get back to you!"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[it's still so difficult to face him in person, the sharp sting of hurt and betrayal is immediate the moment the distance is closed between them. in a way it was almost easier to watch him, not knowing she was still there, acting as he would on his own, getting his frustration out in a way that is in part frightening in knowing that back in their universe, she will be on the receiving end of his anger once more.

but that isn't here.

she smiles, a small, closed-lipped but gentle smile as he takes the offered mug, bringing her hands to nurse her own between them.

quiet for a moment, she considers what to say.]

Shiro told me of his encounter. ['With Honerva' goes unsaid, still piecing everything together.] He messaged me, to warn me...so I could be prepared.

[she frowns a bit, looking down at her tea. untouched.]

I wanted to be the one to tell you.

[ shiro. that explains that. but lotor holds his tongue as allura talks, watching the steam rise from his own cup before he sets it on top of a nearby chest of weapons. unable to drink it, at the moment, in lieu of what allura says. ]

I've already met her.

[ quietly enough, as he releases the cup to fold his arms over his chest, resting his back against the wall of the arena, letting his eyes move to the ground, to watch the dust roll across the torn grass. and he tries to decide whether or not to continue, but that was the whole point, of impulsively calling allura to meet with him, wasn't it? to ask for her advice.

lotor knows what her advice is going to be. but all the same: ]

I told her nothing. I don't know where to begin.

[his response is as much as she expected the moment she received his message, and she finally does deign to take a small sip of her tea, exhaling warmly against the rim of the mug as it remains a touch too hot.

for her, it remains too much to take in, having not even encountered Honerva yet. but she can't begin to imagine what it must be like for Lotor, who spoke of Honerva so reverently but of Haggar so--

well. in denial of what his mother had become.]

Shiro has told her little as well. Only that he was the Black Paladin ten thousand years into the future...that enough was overwhelming.

[a good place to start, if anything.]

I told him to forewarn the others of her presence, before anyone less tactful [read: Lance, Pidge, Hunk....] reveal anything that may be even more upsetting.

[a pause, looking up from the spot on the ground she had been staring at, she looks to Lotor.

again, she hardly knows just how he feels about this, but...family is family, and it's impossible to forget their time together in Haggar's study, the way Lotor spoke of his mother and her intelligence, when she finally felt that she was beginning to get to know him.

know what he was like.]

But I do not think telling her you're her son would be upsetting. You-- [her expression is soft, sad.] I will not tell you what you should do, but-- I remember the way you poured over her notes when we found them.

[ it's just a reminder of how incredibly stupid he had been to allow allura into that small aspect of his life, but it's too little, too late, now. he remains silent, as allura talks, and answers his unspoken question: what should i do?

naturally, allura wants him to tell the truth, which would be simple in any other circumstance besides this one. and there's an immediate protectiveness, at the notion of someone less tactful sharing anything that cannot be taken back. because while lotor trusts certain members of team voltron to keep their mouths shut, he does not trust others. ]

I meant it, when I said she was dead.

[ it's said remarkably calmly, given the circumstances, before he allows his gaze to lift from the ground to look toward the entrance of the arena. still not meeting allura's eyes, because lotor knows the moment that he does, he's going to have to agree to whatever sanctimonious belief she asks of him regarding his (dead) mother. ]

She was lost when she had me, and had no memory of me. And no one said a word. The only individual who knew was my father, who was less than willing to acknowledge his mad wife was now his most loyal servant. Perhaps it pushed him over the edge, when she fell to insanity. I never bothered to ask.

[ and, from the sound of it, lotor doesn't regret not asking before skewering zarkon into the afterlife. but after letting that hang in the air for a moment, lotor exhales slowly before turning to collect his tea, continuing to speak: ]

Telling her I am her son will only raise more questions, which will only create more lies. And what if she regains her memories, Allura? What little of them she does have, of the future, as the rest of you did. It only delays the inevitable; she wants me, and your friends, dead.

[ he takes a sip. ]

What will we do then, when she turns to madness? Kill her?

[ he's not being argumentative, for once; he's simply stating a fact. weighing out his options, trying to figure out which is the least or most cruel. ]

[in that moment, as he speaks of his 'dead' mother and more on what he does know of what happened to her, Allura feels for him just as she did in Haggar's study. it's why learning of his betrayal hurt her so, and while he does avoid her gaze, hers too travels after lingering on him, studying his face before looking towards his sword at rest at the mention of his father.]

And I still believe you when you say it. [that Honerva was dead. because, in a way she is, and she can hardly begin to wonder what it was like to grow up knowing that Haggar stands in the place of someone who, according to her own father, had been a brilliant alchemist.

and at his pragmatic question, her frown deepens, brows knitting together. frustrated. not by him, because he's not arguing with her and he has a point (he always seems to have a point...)]

I cannot say I know for certain what will happen if she ever regains her memories here. If she becomes the witch Haggar. But...it also feels wrong to keep this one truth from her.

[a sigh. she takes a longer drink of her tea, it now being properly warm instead of burning hot.]

I used to not be the sort willing to give others second chances. But here, things just feel different.

[the same could happen to him. he could be brought back here, quintessence-stricken and mad. but she won't bring that up.

not when they've reached this tentative point.]

Edited (added something in the wrong place.....) 2018-11-12 03:17 (UTC)

[ he's silent, again, as allura speaks -- listening to her, as he watches his tea, the steam rising from the cup. things are different here -- different, in that they have an opportunity to exist here without the pressures of the universe resting on their proverbial shoulders. lotor included.

when allura is finished talking, lotor remains quiet, clearly weighing something out in his mind before he finally asks: ]

Is that what you would do? Were you in my position?

[ it's a reluctant ask of advice; guidance, allowing a slight possessiveness to wash away. to genuinely ask allura what she would do, if she were him. because allura is something lotor can't be, which is genuinely good. and he trusts her guidance, in this matter, over other people. ]

[she's quiet for a moment following his question, contemplative. but she remains looking at him, eyes searching his as he lets his walls down to seek advice. and she wants to be decisive, wants to know what to say, how she would handle it were she him.

but...she isn't him. she had a mother who loved her, a father who was kind and benevolent and just.

she would never truly be in his position. but--]

I...have held the truth before, hidden the dark past of Voltron from my friends in order to protect them. [she remembers how Shiro and Keith confronted her about it, their anger, their feelings of betrayal--] Keeping the truth from people to protect them and ourselves will always have a negative impact in the long run.

[she looks aside for a moment, frowning, but then feeling certain in her response she trains her gaze back to him, steadfast.]

I cannot truly be in your position, but, were I you, I would tell her. I would allow her the opportunity to know her son.

[ of course she would. but that's not entirely feasible, is it. because at the end of the day, haggar is concerned with herself, and no one else. she does not remember lotor, nor does she give half a damn about him even if she did. zarkon clearly did not care about either of them, and the entire situation was so impossibly unfixable that killing zarkon was the only way to obtain a modicum of peace in his life.

and even then, haggar wanted to stop him. even then, haggar attempted to kill him, rather than take his rightful place upon the throne. and that, quite honestly, is the last memory he has of haggar. not his mother, though now, it is hard to differentiate the two. because as much as lotor tells himself otherwise, one woman bled into the next, and some part of haggar exists in honerva. who knows if any part of honerva exists in haggar.

he exhales, abandoning his teacup on the wall for the final time, giving up on attempting to drink it. ]

So be it.

[ it's murmured -- loud enough for allura to hear, but mostly meant as a private encouragement to himself. he calls up the magical holographic image of the list of names within the circle, scrolling down with his fingers to find honerva's name. if he is having this conversation, he is not going to wait for it. ]

We may as well control when the first domino is tipped.

[of course he'd choose to phrase it that way. a piece of a game, a facet of something larger instead of looking to it being a part of who he is. it draws a bitter thought, one where she wonders if he had thought her similar. a piece to a grander scheme.

and it bothers her how even considering that still hurts.

but she steels herself.]

I...will leave you alone to talk with her. Unless you wish otherwise.

[leaving that open for him to decide. she moves to take his tea.]

[ it's a coping mechanism. not necessarily a healthy one. forcing himself to go through the motions, to consider this without emotion attached, because focusing or dwelling on what he needs to do is only going to inspire panic or anger. neither feeling is useful, and once he sends out his invitation to talk, lotor exhales, the screen vanishing as he closes the messaging system. ]

She deserves to hear the truth in person, not over some . . . device.

[ allowing the tension in his shoulders to leave, now that the message is sent. and he's silent for another few moments, to sort through what he has to do, before he continues, his tone slipping into something a little more raw and honest -- less manufactured and cold. ]

She deserves better than what awaits her. I want to be the one to tell her that.

[ read: voltron should keep their mouths shut. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

inbox | acata

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action